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Breaking the Legacy of Silence #31 | Outside Looking In | Kim D. Bailey

“Many who read my posts or have known me for some considerable time, or have made an effort to know me regardless of how far back our relationship goes, know that I moved back to the Chattanooga area in December 2012 after having been away for about thirty-one years.”

This week Kim D Bailey on #BTLOS looks from the outside, and reflects on going “home” again.
http://five2onemagazine.com/breaking-the-legacy-of-silence-31-outside-looking-in-kim-d-bailey/

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Poetry by Kim D. Bailey | Forgetting

This poem was written in late 2015 after a difficult year spent with my ex, his family, death, and losses of many kinds.

Today, I grieve a marriage ended that started to unravel about the time the subject of this poem was making history. If I’m honest, it started before then. The events which unfolded during my late father-in-law’s illness and subsequent death only reinforced the truth behind the lie.

I read it last night at an open mic night and felt compelled to share it with all of you today. 
Thanks to Kelly Fitzharris Coody for publishing this poem in Sick Lit Magazine in 2016.

Forgetting

 

The maze of hallways all seem

the same, nurses stations with sad

still faces and bent backs,

watching the clock until a light blinks

until another patient wanders past

the invisible fence of the floor.

 

My father-in-law does not remember

me, a stranger he met when his mind

was already broken,

Sometimes he smiles when I enter

his room, more often he cries

for his momma.

 

My back bends with the nurse’s

we hold him up to dress or bathe

while he spits curses and yells

then he jokes with the cute blonde

I am weary

I want to go home.

 

We had one good day

he told me his same old stories

we sang, The Old Rugged Cross,

I’ll cherish, burdens I lay down

the smile on his face

the light in his eyes.

 

The last week he was in his room

a house much too large for two

my husband and his mother, his brothers

none knew what to do, grief

was a squatter, invisible I wrung my

hands, I felt so helpless.

 

After we said goodbye to him

the light was gone from us,

wicked wounding words, stricken by fear

faithless, broken we had become

our legacy, lingering loss of trust

a last word for a last word.

 

My husband’s eyes and hands

dimpled smile so like his father’s,

watching him sometimes frightens me.

Will he forget who I am?

Will we be strangers one day,

or were we all along?

 

Kim D. Bailey (Deal)

December 6, 2015

For: Bob and Gene, the two real deals. I wish you hadn’t left us. We needed you so.

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Breaking the Legacy of Silence #30 Nevertheless, WE PERSIST | Kim D. Bailey | Five 2 One Literary Journal

“Even more infuriating, Senator Warren’s male colleagues were permitted to read that same letter by Mrs. King later. Yes, they did so as a show of support for Senator Warren, but the fact they—the men—were permitted to read it, and only after Sessions was confirmed, is a blatant reminder we have a lot of work to do as women and men for the cause of equal rights, feminism, and equal respect across the board for women in a man’s world.”

Nevertheless, Kim D Bailey persisted this week on #breakingthelegacyofsilence

http://five2onemagazine.com/breaking-legacy-silence-30-nevertheless-persist-kim-d-bailey/

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52MenPodcast EPISODE 17: KIM D BAILEY. LACHESIS by 52 Men the Podcast on #SoundCloud

Thanks to Louise Wareham Leonard for having me as part of her amazing series, 52 Men The podcast. 
“A pioneer tells the truth about the aftermath of trusting friends and family with your deepest pain. A brilliant revelatory piece about how people can support you — and fail to support you — and how this can lead to a new stronger life. Thanks Kim D Bailey”
https://soundcloud.com/user-612823722/52menpodcast-episode-17-kim-d-bailey-lachesis

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Breaking the Legacy of Silence #29 It Was There All Along, and It’s Not Just Traffic| Kim D. Bailey | FIVE:2:ONE

ICYMI: this is my latest column installment, with the first story of how I confronted the man who molested me when I was a girl, and will tie in with a podcast being published today on 52 Men the Podcast by Louise Wareham Leonard.
http://five2onemagazine.com/breaking-the-legacy-of-silence-29-it-was-there-all-along-and-its-not-just-traffic-kim-d-bailey/

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Breaking the Legacy of Silence #29 It Was There All Along, and It’s Not Just Traffic | Kim D. Bailey – FIVE:2:ONE

Kim D Bailey is back for another installment of #breakingthelegacy

“The immense power in that moment overshadowed the day I confronted him about sexually abusing me, that day I walked up to his door in October 2014 while my husband stood in the background. I walked away feeling a sense of peace I’ve never felt in my life to that moment.”

http://five2onemagazine.com/breaking-the-legacy-of-silence-29-it-was-there-all-along-and-its-not-just-traffic-kim-d-bailey/

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Breaking the Legacy of Silence #28: I Won’t Back Down: My Top 10 List of Things I’d Rather Do Than See Donald Trump Take the Office of POTUS | Kim D. Bailey – FIVE:2:ONE

“I’ve been thinking of how to broach this subject—since it’s all any of us are talking about—and I have come up with what I consider the most articulate way for me to describe my disgust and disdain for the inauguration and the next four years of hell for this country.”

Kim D Bailey talks of the things she’d rather be doing than watching our fearless leader in this weeks #breakingthelegacy. Give it a read and share it ya’ll.

.http://five2onemagazine.com/breaking-the-legacy-of-silence-28-i-wont-back-down-my-top-10-list-of-things-id-rather-do-than-see-donald-trump-take-the-office-of-potus-kim-d-bailey/

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Breaking the Legacy of Silence #27 Love is Love | Kim D. Bailey – FIVE:2:ONE

“One of the last to be taken in 2016 was George Michael, the 80’s pop star who originally wowed girls my age with his band Wham!, with such songs as “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” “Everything She Wants,” and “Freedom,” all songs released in 1984 when I was in my last year of high school. Yeah, I bought the vinyl, because even though we had CD technology, vinyl was still affordable for a teenage girl like me. Besides, I grew up on those discs of delicious glory.”

This week on #breakingthelegacy Kim D Bailey talks about love and 2016.
http://five2onemagazine.com/breaking-the-legacy-of-silence-27-love-is-love-kim-d-bailey/

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Sunday Songs: To Start Off 2017 On A Beautiful Note | New Year’s Day by Mary Chapin Carpenter | Dwelling In Possibilities 

It’s one of those checkpoints of life: New Year’s Day. 

Sometimes we make resolutions, aspiring to make goals out of dreams. 

Other times, we swear off such lofty notions and go to our curmudgeonly corners, scoffing at others while we secretly wish we had hope.
I struggle between the two and, in the past, depending on how my life has gone thus far, I waver between hope and hopelessness. 

2016 was not my most stellar moment in regards to my personal life, relationships with some people I desperately tried to hold on to, or in my ability to make money. 

I’ve also grieved the election results, going through all but the last of the five stages–acceptance. I’ve settled somewhere between Resist and Rest, and have made it my goal to speak to the truth whether anyone likes it or not. I won’t win any popularity contests…but when have I ever sought to be loved by the masses? The answer to that is: NEVER. There are a few I still yearn to be loved by, but I continue to wait and hope.

However, 2016 began on January 1st with my first publication, a featured short story and a poem, in Firefly Magazine

I was given the gift of a weekly column by Breaking the Legacy of Silence by Kim D. Bailey at Five 2 One Magazine in June. I’ve been published in several online journals and two print journals, and I was nominated for the Pushcart Prize by my amazing friends, family, and other writers when I was shortlisted by The Scarlet Leaf Review September 2016, with my nonfiction piece about confronting the man who molested me when I was 11-years-old, “I Took It Back.” 

Firefly completed my astounding first year of publication by accepting a sequel to the short story from Issue 3 (above), in Issue 8, and closing out a successful year.

Other good things happened. 

I met some exceptional people and formed beautiful relationships with a few. 

I attended my first writerly conference in September, where one of my more fruitful relationships blossomed into a familial bond when S.C. McCole and I attended Jeff Goins’s Tribe Conference. He has become like a brother to me, and is the founder of Moby’s Mob

I learned to love myself. As my other dear friend and fellow writer told me, “Look in the mirror, every day, and say, ‘I love you.'” James Stack. This waxed Al Franken from Saturday Night Live, but I tried it. It works!

Finally, I came out. After 50 years I admitted to myself, and the world, that I am attracted to women. Some of the younger generation out there don’t see coming out as a necessity, but for an old lesbian like me, it was a pivotal moment.   It was a step I needed to definitively take in the demarcation of my life, the before and after (Look for my first column of the year with Five 2 One Magazine, on January 7th, where I shall expound further on the business of coming out and the prejudices the LGBTQ community still face.)

For now, I hope you’ll enjoy this song from Mary Chapin Carpenter’s album, Ashes and Roses. 

Listen to the words. Her story of how the song was created is especially important. 

“I dwell in possibilities/on New Year’s Day…”

New Year’s Day by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Write Despite, by Chuck Wendig, Terrible Minds

As such, it feels both necessary and also unmercifully glib to offer up writerly resolutions in any form. I want to say, WRITE YOUR REBELLION, and that’s not a bad idea, to put to paper all your fears and your ideas — give voice to your own idea of resistance. I want to say, BURN IT ALL DOWN TO MAKE GREAT ART — some snarl-mouthed snaggle-toothed middle-finger assertion to leap into the mouth of the monster and cut its throat from the inside with a sword made from your own wordsmithy. I want you to be bad-ass. I want to be bad-ass, too. I don’t want resolutions. I want revolutions. I want fire and steel and anger, I want politics and rage and poison, I want Hunter S. Thompson and Spider Jerusalem and Nine Inch Nails. I want brimstone and batshit. I want heartsblood spattered on the walls that dries in the form of your stories.
At the same time, that’s not going to be all of us.
I don’t even know that it’s me. I don’t know how brave I am or how good I am. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know who I’m going to be as a writer by the end of this year, or next, or in five years. I don’t know who you are or who you will become, either.
What I know is this:
We’re writers, and writers write.
And so, this year’s authorial resolution is far humbler, far smaller —
Write, despite.
What I mean is, no matter what happens, keep writing. No matter how exciting or terrifying the news becomes, write anyway. Force the time. Look away. Focus up. Eyes on your paper. Demand of yourself the creation of stories. Carve out the mental and emotional territory, and the temporal and physical landscape, in order to keep doing what you’re doing. In times like this, the distractions are endless. It’s easy to stop. It’s all too simple to feel overwhelmed by what’s going on and to stare at the Eye of Mordor as it fixes its gaze upon you. And yet, no matter what, you gotta do the thing. You gotta tell the stories. You gotta write it all down.
Write Despite, Chuck Wendig, Terrible Minds